Working in tech is not for the faint of heart. In the eight years I’ve worked at Cisco, I’ve been impacted by limited restructuring (layoffs) not once but twice. And let me just tell you, getting laid off is NOT my preferred way to get laid.
Call it my witchy intuition, but when news leaked about the February 2024 layoffs, I just had a feeling I was going to be impacted. My coworkers thought I was crazy – I was a top performer and had been told by my manager I was on her critical to retain list.
But sure enough, I ended up getting one of those dreaded meetings on my calendar. I could never have known it at the time, but this layoff would end up being one of the best things to ever happen to my career. I ended up getting scooped up by another team at Cisco I already knew and worked with well with a leader I adored. I got three raises, a promotion, and a position on the leadership team in <1 year of being on the team, my dream role working on innovations and new capabilities, and travel opportunities I wouldn’t have otherwise had. Plus, I got a really sick tattoo during my one month of “funemployment.”
But for whatever reason, I still carried this lingering resentment for the leader in my old group who put my name on the list. And though I didn’t have to engage directly with her in my new role, I still worked with her team every day. We’d never met in person, but I knew someday our paths would eventually cross, and I often wondered how I would handle that interaction.
I liked to joke that I would whisper “I know it was you” in her ear, kiss her on the forehead, and walk away.
So last week, I attended a Cisco community VIP dinner in San Diego with an invite list of 40+ people. Who do you think ended up sitting across from me?
I waited a while to see if she’d introduce herself. She didn’t. Although I don’t like to presume how others feel, I sensed that she knew who I was and that maybe she was uncomfortable. Between that sense of uncomfortability, along with the fact that she was an actual real human sitting in front of me (and a lot taller than I thought she’d be I might add!), I felt something shift in me.
I smiled. I waved. I introduced myself. I asked her questions about herself. I complimented the members of her team I still work with.
✨When someone hurts you, it can be easy to hate them. ✨But healing works best from the inside out when you become an energetic vessel of love.
✨“You may have hurt me, but I send you love anyway.” ✨
Remember when I said tech is not for the faint of heart? Cisco unfortunately went through another round of layoffs in September 2024 that impacted 40% of my team. And when I think of my leader – who is one of the best human beings I’ve not just worked for but met in my life – having to make those impossible decisions, it actually helped me to sympathize a lot more with the leader who had to make that decision about me just a few months prior.
They were both just doing the best they could with a really tough decision they were being forced to make as leaders.
✨“You may have hurt me, but I send you love anyway. You were doing the best you could.” ✨
Now back to this VIP dinner in San Diego and my conversation with the leader from my old team. Maybe a part of me wondered if she’d acknowledge what happened. Would she say she made a mistake? Would she apologize? Would she say she’s glad to hear I’m doing well on another team?
None of that happened. And honestly that’s okay.
Something that I’m learning to be true – not just here but in relationships too:
- When someone won’t apologize or doesn’t have the awareness to know they’ve done wrong, you just observe. You don’t fight for them to see your pain. Someone else’s lack of remorse does not need to hold you hostage. You can keep waiting for an apology all day, but it may never come. Why let it hold you hostage?
- Because the truth is, you don’t need an apology. You need to learn what you will or won’t accept in the future. I already acknowledged the fact that tech isn’t for the faint of heart. The layoff culture at Cisco persists. “If you don’t like where you are, change it. You’re not a tree.” I choose to keep gambling and betting on myself at Cisco–and so far it’s paid off.
- The best response isn’t confrontation, it’s elevation of yourself. Let their refusal to be accountable upgrade you. Let their silence make your boundaries even stronger. I felt like a weight had been lifted after this dinner. And it wasn’t because I confronted her, or got an apology from her, it was because I knew letting go of that resentment and smiling at this person who caused me pain was evidence of my own growth and transformation.
There’s a lyric in a Yellowcard song I really like that says “I have seen what holding on can take away // if it’s the past you love, then that’s where you can stay.” And I think these lines are so powerful because they make it so clear how holding on ties you to the past. If you’re ready to release ties, cord cutting can be a helpful ritual for doing so.
✨I send you nothing but love. ✨
