This blog first appeared on Lex and the City in 2013. It has been republished here with minor updates.
My relationship with my mom is shaky at best. Mostly because she goes through these periods in her life where she’s randomly super religious (I call her a fairweather Christian) and during these periods of time, she thinks I’m the antichrist.
I seriously woke up one time in the middle of the night to her performing an exorcism on me. Actually that didn’t happen. But I did once wake up from a nap to her standing over me with a syringe attempting to give me a TB test. The fact that she’s a registered nurse only makes this fairly less disturbing.
5/5/2013
“Well, Lexie, if you don’t believe in Jesus as your Lord and savior, what DO you believe in?”
“I don’t know yet. But I think karma is probably pretty accurate.”
“Karma?”
“Yeah, you know, what goes around comes around.”
“Well that’s just stupid.”
“That’s stupid? You believe there’s a man in the sky.”
Despite the fact that we don’t always have the Gilmore Girls relationship I wish we had, I deeply care about my mom and hate to see her lonely now that she’s single and all of her kids have moved on/out. So I decided, as the family’s only professional writer (everyone else has a useful degree, like nursing), I’d have to help her write her Christian Mingle profile:
I’m quirky. There. I’ll just come right out with it. But quirky in a fun way, not quirky in a “I have a thousand cats and wear a lot of hats” kind of way. I don’t have any cats, actually. I do have a dog though. My children named her “Princess Consuela Banana Hammock,” but we call her Nana for short.
Oh right I should tell you about my children. I have four of them. They’re all pretty much grown up now. They make me laugh so hard sometimes that I could just pee my pants. But in a good way. Like a “it’s okay I’m wearing adult diapers” kind of way.
I don’t wear adult diapers, but I’ve changed more than a few in my life. I’m an RN and have been for years. I love having a career where I can give something back.
I’m a giver. Always have been.
When I’m not working or hanging out with my wacky kids, I do a lot of home improvement jobs around my house. I’ve always been a bit of a handyman. I’ve recently taken up quilting, but my daughter told me to not write that on here. Oh well too late to take it back now.
I’m also currently training for a 5k. I need it to balance all the good wine I like to drink! Oh don’t judge me; Jesus liked wine 😉
Update: As of 2025, my mom is still single if you’re interested. She also may be a felon by the time you read this because I think she’s going to murder me.
