2016 was the first year I truly lived alone. I had just gone through a tricky breakup with my boyfriend of two years (tricky in the sense that a shared apartment, a dog, and a car was all at stake. For the record, I ended up getting only the car–which an appraiser valued at $100 when I went to trade it in shortly after. My fucking Ray Bans were worth more than that car.) So after that breakup, I wasn’t just boyfriendless; I was homeless. 

I was spending most of my nights in a guest bedroom at my friend Natasha’s grandmother’s house in Bethesda. My friends were great about sending me apartments and listings for people seeking roommates in the area. One night, I got a phone call from my friend Brandon claiming he was “about to change my life.” 

His old studio apartment in Adams Morgan was available. 

I knew Brandon’s studio apartment in Adams Morgan had a lot of sentimental value to our friend group. What I didn’t know was that it also had rodents. 

It was my first week in my new apartment living alone. I had just gotten back from a fun weekend in Myrtle Beach with my crew. Out of the corner of my eye I saw it run past the wall nearest my TV–a mouse. I saw it three more times that night and briefly considered downloading Tinder just to see if anyone within a mile radius wanted to come over and handle my mouse. I only imagine this would be slightly misleading when they showed up and I handed them mouse-catching tools.

I set 4 mouse traps, shutting my own hand in the trap no less than four times. 

I checked all four of my mouse traps for weeks without ever catching anything. My landlord has an exterminator come to the building once a month, so I assumed I was probably in the clear. 

Until one Saturday I’m cleaning my kitchen, and there behind the kitchen trash can is a dead mouse in a trap.

Forget everything I ever said about being a single independent woman. Ladies, if you don’t want to clean up a mouse corpse, there should be no shame in texting every man you know and offering to buy him a steak if he comes and handles your deceased rodent disposal.

I have to give myself a little credit though–the guy who came through for me may have picked up the body but I scrubbed the blood off the floor. Plus, we took our friendship to a whole new level! How many friends can you say you’ve cleaned up a dead body with?

Making My Mom’s Christian Mingle Profile Is Exhausting

This blog first appeared on Lex and the City in 2013. It has been republished here with minor updates.  My relationship with my mom is shaky at best. Mostly because she goes through these periods in her life where she’s randomly super religious (I call her a fairweather Christian) and

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Becoming Your Future Self & Quantum Leaping

When people ask me my plans for the evening or weekend, I love to tell them I’m quantum leaping. It just sounds cool – like something from an Avengers movie. And I guess it’s not super far from it? To put it simply, quantum leaping is a visualization exercise where

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Bad Witch House Rules

I live in a three bedroom four story split level home, which I will admit is an unnecessary amount of space for me, my son of a witch, and my French bulldog. But I do have a very large family, so it’s nice to have the extra space when they

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Manifesting Not Working for You? 

If you’re reading this post, chances are you’re already familiar with manifesting. Either way, hopefully you’ve checked out my post where I give away all the secrets of my manifesting.  But if you’ve tried manifesting before and felt like it didn’t work, hopefully I can help with that as well.  

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I Give Away All the Secrets of My Manifesting

Any of my friends will tell you that I’m an incredible manifester. Even in my 20s, I blogged about something called “the Lexie phenomenon” which could only be described as the wildest and magical events that always seemed to be occurring around me.  I went to see a psychic last

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Scary Movie 3

My first job out of college was as a research analyst (I always knew my first job would have the word ‘anal’ in it) with an IT database company in Bethesda, Maryland. My job consisted of phone research (cold calling) and Internet research (stalking the absolute shit out of IT

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Rodents

2016 was the first year I truly lived alone. I had just gone through a tricky breakup with my boyfriend of two years (tricky in the sense that a shared apartment, a dog, and a car was all at stake. For the record, I ended up getting only the car–which

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Laser Hair Removal

I’d been blogging for over four years before I realized that my life was an open blog. It was the day I blogged about letting my cousin Melissa do laser hair removal on my bikini area. Her coworkers thought this would be an awkward procedure to perform on one’s cousin, but

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CPR

One summer I needed a job, and my mom offered to get me a position at the assisted living community where she worked at the time. For some reason, I was oddly excited at the idea of working at the same place as my mom. I assumed it would be

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craiglist missed connection

For nearly half a decade, I made a four figure salary at a digital marketing agency in Gaithersburg, Maryland. I didn’t let this prevent me from going out in DC after work, but it did mean I had to suck it up and take the metro all the way from

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just give me your blood

My sister Sammy and I both majored in journalism in college. My dad was never shy about how worthless of a major he thought it was, and one year out of college I probably would have agreed with him. In fact, I think at one point I blogged about how

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the polyamory meetup

One of my favorite things to do is take my son Rogan on date nights. And one of our favorite date night places is a casual restaurant in Springfield called Delia’s. They give him his own bowl of parmesan cheese with his pasta that he eats with his fingers, plus

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