just give me your blood

This blog first appeared on Lex and the City in 2013. It has been republished here with minor updates.  My relationship with my mom is shaky at best. Mostly because she goes through these periods in her life where she’s randomly super religious (I call her a fairweather Christian) and

I live in a three bedroom four story split level home, which I will admit is an unnecessary amount of space for me, my son of a witch, and my French bulldog. But I do have a very large family, so it’s nice to have the extra space when they

My first job out of college was as a research analyst (I always knew my first job would have the word ‘anal’ in it) with an IT database company in Bethesda, Maryland. My job consisted of phone research (cold calling) and Internet research (stalking the absolute shit out of IT

2016 was the first year I truly lived alone. I had just gone through a tricky breakup with my boyfriend of two years (tricky in the sense that a shared apartment, a dog, and a car was all at stake. For the record, I ended up getting only the car–which

I’d been blogging for over four years before I realized that my life was an open blog. It was the day I blogged about letting my cousin Melissa do laser hair removal on my bikini area. Her coworkers thought this would be an awkward procedure to perform on one’s cousin, but

One summer I needed a job, and my mom offered to get me a position at the assisted living community where she worked at the time. For some reason, I was oddly excited at the idea of working at the same place as my mom. I assumed it would be

For nearly half a decade, I made a four figure salary at a digital marketing agency in Gaithersburg, Maryland. I didn’t let this prevent me from going out in DC after work, but it did mean I had to suck it up and take the metro all the way from

My sister Sammy and I both majored in journalism in college. My dad was never shy about how worthless of a major he thought it was, and one year out of college I probably would have agreed with him. In fact, I think at one point I blogged about how

One of my favorite things to do is take my son Rogan on date nights. And one of our favorite date night places is a casual restaurant in Springfield called Delia’s. They give him his own bowl of parmesan cheese with his pasta that he eats with his fingers, plus